For example:
When you're 4, you're able to run up and down a basketball court dozens of times at full speed and not even lose your breath. At 40 you can't even walk from your mini-van to the court without looking like a walking advertisement for COPD. How did this happen?
When you're 6, you don't even think about shaving. When you're 40, you get a random surprise visitor in the form of a foot-long hair growing out the side of your face when you least expect it making you wonder how long that's been there and how many people have noticed and not said anything. How did this happen?
When you're 8, you do cartwheels for fun. At 40, you try a cartwheel and it feels like your skin is ripping off your body while your muscles are simultaneously having seizures, causing a searing pain in every fiber of your being and leaving you with an intense all over body ache for days. How did this happen?
When you're 10, you eat 6 large slices of pizza, a pint of ice cream and wash it down with a 2-liter of Coke and not gain an ounce. When you're 40, you live off of lettuce and a dream and still gain 30 lbs while suffering from heartburn. How did this happen?
When you're 12, you get tackled on the football field and still pop up without injury. When you're 40, you get tackled by your 3 year old, fall over because you have zero core strength and even less balance, then look like a turtle on its back with your arms and legs flailing trying to build up enough momentum to flop yourself over so you can grasp onto the nearest object to haul yourself to your feet. Gasping for breath, you ask yourself...How did this happen?
When you're 14, you have acne but they tell you not to worry, it's just a phase, you'll outgrow it. When you're 40, you get acne all over again but it's even worse than when you were 14. Nobody ever tells you that. How did this happen?
When you're 16, you're able to wear cute halter tops without a bra. When you're 40, you not only have to wear the underwire-triple-hook-extra-support-thick-strapped bras but you also have to reach into that sexy beast of lingerie and hoist each boob into the proper position so your nipples are even and your shirt doesn't look like a googly-eyed monster when you’re walking. Seriously, how did this happen?
When you're 18, you roll out of bed, leave the house in pajama pants to run to the 711 to get a Mt. Dew and a Snickers bar for breakfast and you get hit on by every guy you see. At 40, you spend 2 hours getting ready, use expensive skincare and even more expensive makeup, put on the nicest outfit you bought from Target (and the only outfit you’ve bought in the past decade) and still look like a dump truck. How did this happen?
When you're 21, you're able to drink 12 beers, take 6 shots and stay up until 4 am. When you're 40, you drink one cranberry and vodka causing immediate explosive diarrhea forcing you to leave the party by 9 pm and you still wake up with a slight hangover after 8 hours of sleep. How did this happen?
And when you’re 40, you face all of these problems daily and repeatedly ask yourself, How did this happen?
Awwww Dear Sweet 40 year old amber!....I feel your pain! As you know I turned 40 before you! ;). Like I tell jerimy...at least we have retirement to o look forward to!
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And Heather.....When you retire, it isn't any better. Your social life is going to the doctor. I never understood that until now.
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