Brenda

I'm not one to normally feel that life's not fair.  I truly believe everything happens for a reason.  I believe in God and I know deep down he has a much bigger plan, but I can't help but have the biggest feeling of LIFE'S NOT FAIR right now.

My mom's best friend Brenda passed away this morning.  Not just her best friend but her person.  These two were more like twins than friends.  Brenda's husband is a truck driver and my dad works second shift which left these two to their own devices most days.  They ran errands together, went to each other's grandchildren's school and sporting events together, and most nights had dinner together.  They raised their kids together and vacationed together.  And they shopped together...oh could those two shop!  There really isn't much they didn't do together.  While my mom has always been the 'straight forward, suck it up and move on' type, Brenda was always the 'ohhh Am, come here and give me a hug and cry it out' type.  They were a great balance the two of them.

I can hardly recall a childhood memory Brenda wasn't part of.  There are some, but the most memorable ones had her in it.

In elementary school, I remember driving around one night with her, my mom and us kids telling ghost stories.  They took us out to the scariest bridge they could find and stopped on the middle of it during the scariest part of their story.  All of a sudden her son Adam opened the sliding van door and screamed and scared the ever loving shit out of all of us.  I don't think I've ever seen her and my mom laugh so hard in my life.

In Junior High, I remember our trip to the river and the mud fight she was shocked to see me participating in because I was the girly girl that didn't like to get dirty.  She always said I was the daughter she never had because we were so similar... and she was always a second mom to me.

In High School, she chaperoned every band trip and was everyone's favorite chaperone.  I know I'm not the only one who viewed her as a second mom - most band kids did.  Everyone just loved her.

I not only have childhood memories, it's my entire life of memories.  She helped plan my wedding, held my babies as infants, came to my kids' birthday parties.  She often rode with my mom to meet us halfway to take my kids home with them for Grandma week.  My kids called her Aunt Brenda and loved her like crazy.  And she loved them.

One of my absolute favorite memories with her was our trip to NYC in 2010.  My mom, Brenda, Brenda's niece Holly and I flew to New York for a girls' trip.  We did all of the touristy things and had an absolute blast.  We were on a horse and carriage ride in Central Park when we came across some PETA members protesting the carriage rides.  They had signs and were screaming all kinds of obscenities at us for being on the ride.  Brenda, being the nervous nelly she was, got super anxious and said, "everyone, just look down, do not make eye contact, do not engage, let's just hurry up and get past these people."  She no sooner said those words when I looked up, smiled, and passed them with a big middle finger in the air.  Her jaw dropped and I got a shocked "Amber Michele Kimmet!" from her but we laughed so hard.  I always loved doing things to shock her and throw her for a loop.

I could go on all day with the fun memories we've had but the part I'll miss the most is just talking to her.  Almost every time I called my mom she was there.  My mom would automatically put the call on speaker phone and we would all just chat.  She would never end the call without saying, "I love you Am!"  One thing I'll never doubt is that she loved me.

But as much as she loved her pseudo kids and pseudo grandkids, we will never hold a flame to her actual kids and grandkids.  That woman LOVED those kids.

Adam is her first born, her pride and joy, her Nashville star.  Brenda is one of the most humble people I've ever met but she could brag all day long on this kid.  In her mind, he walked on water and could do no wrong.  She would just glow whenever she talked about him.

Chris was her baby and she had such a soft spot for him.  He was so mischievous as a child and she loved every single minute of it.  She always told me my #3 was her #2 and I have MANY times asked myself "what would Brenda do?" when trying to figure out how to handle #3.  Fortunately, I was able to ask her myself often over the years and have lots of advice from her that I will continue to fall back on.

When Chris met Marcie, Brenda finally got the daughter she always wanted.  She loved Marcie just as much as she did her boys and always bragged on what a great mother Marcie was.  The two of them were as close as any mother and daughter could be.

With Marcie brought her first grandchild, Layken, and made Brenda even happier than I had ever seen her.  She fell head over heels the first time she met that sweet boy.  Being a grandma was her calling.

Then Coy came along, or as she called him:  Chris' karma.  She felt like she was reliving Chris being little all over again with that ornery one.  He made her laugh with all of his crazy antics he clearly inherited from his dad.

Finally her granddaughter came along, Miss Laney.  A little girl to shop for and spoil like crazy and that she did.  She loved these kids with all her heart and soul.  I loved hearing her stories about them almost as much as she liked telling them.

And of course, she loved her husband Mike.  I always loved that he called her "Bren" - you could just hear the love in his voice when he said it.  She had the patience of a saint when it came to his hectic work schedule and being on the road as a truck driver but I never once heard her complain.  She loved this man whole hardheartedly and cherished her time she had with him when he was home.

As much love as she had for everyone else, others loved her back just as much.  The woman had a heart of gold.  She would do anything for anyone.  She never said a bad thing about anyone - she was just a genuinely kind person.  She didn't necessarily light up a room when she walked in - she more so lit up each individual, one person at a time.  She would single you out, hug you, ask about your life, compliment you a hundred times, make you feel like you were the most special person in the room, then move on to the next person and make them feel just as special.  She had the kindest, most calming voice of anyone I know.  It's that voice that I keep hearing in my head today saying, "Oh, Am, don't cry for me,  I am just fine!  Don't you worry about me, you worry about those babies.  I'm right where I need to be, watching over all of you."  It's that voice that I will miss the most.  The voice of calm, the voice that oozed of love and sweetness.

I haven't been able to stop crying for the huge loss we've all experienced today.  I cry for my mom, who lost her best friend.  I cry for her husband, kids and grandkids.  I selfishly cry for myself because I am going to miss that woman soooo damned much.  But then I think, if it hurts little ole me this much, then I can't even begin to imagine what her family and friends are feeling right now.  And I cry again, for them.

I will cherish the memories I have with her and I pray her loved ones can do the same.  I know she'd want us to remember the happy times rather than cry for her but right now, sorry Brenda, it's just not possible.  We will all just miss you too much.

So today we grieve.  Tomorrow we grieve.  We will most likely grieve this loss for quite some time.  But I pray that time will heal, and we will all be able to rejoice in the fact that she's among the angels right where she's always belonged.

I hope you rest easy, Brenda.  Please watch over your loved ones in heaven until we all meet again.

I love you!

Love,

Am