We pick up #2 from basketball practice smelling like a rotten onion and leave town to drive 2.5 hours with a rotten onion.
2:40 pm conversation.
1: Me and my friends talked in a British accent all night last night.
Kevin: What? Who did you talk to?
1: Ummm nobody?
Kevin: You just said you talked to someone all night?
1: No I didn’t?
Kev: Yes you did! Bo Jackson? Did you just say you talked to Bo Jackson all night?
Me: (yelling at him like he’s a 99 year old deaf man who forgot his hearing aids) NOT BO JACKSON! SHE SAID BRITISH ACCENT!
Dear Jesus. I just got a glimpse into our 90’s and it ain’t pretty.
3:55 pm
#3 is throwing a fit because he’s hangry. We are driving and there is nothing but fields for miles. I tell him he’ll have to wait until we find a place. He throws a bigger fit. I yell at him to suck it up because there is nowhere to stop right now. He yells back, “NO YOU SUCK IT!”. Annnnnd there’s my daily dose of you should have never become a parent. Luckily for him he’s 2 rows back and out of reach.
4:16 pm
We see the light! It’s a Wendy’s sign! We stop and feed the monsters and the hangriness subsides. All is well and things are looking up.
4:42 pm
Phone call from Michelle.
We have no power at the cabin.
Just like that our 26 minutes of euphoria is gone.
Strong winds have knocked down trees and taken down power lines. We have no lights, no heat, no way to cook the 8000 pounds of food we brought and it’s 40° outside so we’re all going to freeze to death in a dark cabin. Yay.
5:17
Text from Michelle: Help!! Jimmy is trying to start a fire with leaves & sticks from outside.
We need to make a stop.
5:26 pm
We stop at Lowe’s for flashlights and fire starters. Kevin takes 3 & 4 to the bathroom and hands me his debit card to checkout. I insert the card into the machine.
Card DECLINED.
W.T.F.
Is he writing bad checks again? What is wrong with him? Maybe he has a gambling problem...Or maybe he’s spending our children’s college tuition on prostitutes...Is this man begging for a divorce? This is the account we keep our money in and it’s declined?
Me to cashier: Uhhhhhh can we try that again?
*Inserts card*
*Says a quick prayer it goes through so my kids’ dad can go on living and their mom won’t end up in prison for life.
Then it dawns on me. I entered MY PIN number and it’s HIS debit card.
Process as credit, card accepted, crisis averted.
Toooootallllly kidding about the gambling and prostitutes.
Load 4 kids and the dog back in the van and continue on our merry way.
5:59 pm
#1 is already freaking out about not having cell service and no WiFi at the cabin. 2 wants to know how he’s going to be able to play ping pong in the dark. 3 is still throwing a fit because he didn’t get to walk the dog in Lowe’s. And 4 just asked for the 736,274th time how many more minutes until we get to the cabin because he is soooooooo cited to go to the cabin.
I’m wondering how I’m going to survive in a dark cabin with no heat and no food with 7 kids, 2 man childs and a dog. Focus. I have Michelle. And wine. Focus on the positives here.
6:11 pm
Text from Michelle: We have power!!!
Thank you sweet baby Jesus!
6:12 pm
Kruse’s pull up to the cabin. First time in history we have good timing.
6:16 pm
Aubree comes up from the basement and says, “So there’s this basketball game in the basement. It says if you break it you buy it and it’s $275. Lincoln just broke it.”
4 minutes. We have been here for 4 minutes.
6:17 pm
Pours first glass of wine.
7:30 pm
We unloaded, unpacked, fed the monsters again and consumed some alcohol. Things are looking up.
Midnight-ish epilogue:
The girls did some baking, the boys played and the parents talked. Then we all sat down to play a card game and #2 beat the pants off of all of us. It’s almost like the first 7 hours didn’t happen. We’re almost like 2 normal families having a normal Thanksgiving vacation. Maybe we won’t be the Griswold’s after all. Maybeeee.....just maybe we will have a fun, uneventful, relaxing vacation.
Nah. Definitely the alcohol talking. But I love the false hope it gives me.
To be continued...
